Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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