The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
