Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
