Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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