Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
