He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
