So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't shave. On purpose
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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