The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just googled if crying burns calories
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
