I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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