I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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