You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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