How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
