I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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