I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
