She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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