There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
