nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you traded sex for a burrito?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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