we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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