just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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