I love black thongs
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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