tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
