you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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