i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
