i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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