This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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