he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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