I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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