i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
