dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
