I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
