YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
