She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize