1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Randomize
