every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
