Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
