You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
