tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize