I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
