TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
