i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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