I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
