normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
