508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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