I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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