Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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