I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
