I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
