Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
