I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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