woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
God, I missed his penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
