i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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