I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
