Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
