You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
