she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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