I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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