no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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