so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
