There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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