So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
