Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
