I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
