Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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