Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
