All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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