Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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